Any suggestions?
manuelita otero
The other day I read an article by Shayla Love in the New York Times about opening our lives to suggestions. She got the idea when she read about a suggestion box project started by Dr. Agnes Callard, professor of Philosophy at the university of Chicago. She used a Google form which invited people to give her suggestions on how she should improve. I first read this and got excited… I changed my mind. Why? One of my continuous goals is to grow and learn new things, this seems to be a perfect way to do it.
If I am honest, sometimes when someone gives me a suggestion instead of a new perspective or a growing opportunity I hear “you are not doing things right and this is what you should do instead.” Instead of helpful information many times when I hear a suggestion I see an attack, a non-existing one that I have created without reason. With the years I have learned to recognize it and quiet the perfectionist voice inside me because I don’t want to miss opportunities for growth.
As I kept reading the article, I learned about egocentric advice discounting, which is our tendency to prefer advice and suggestions that align with our own opinions. I think we have all been there, someone is telling us something and instead of listening carefully we are planning our reply to defend our point because we want others to agree with us. And even though preferring our own opinions and wanting things our way may be deeply ingrained in us, there are ways to learn how to listen to different points of view and be open to suggestions. In my case, self awareness has helped me greatly. The better I know myself, the better I can honestly look at the situations I face each day and the easier it is for me to understand my reactions and adjust if needed.
The meaning of the word suggestion is: An idea or plan put forward for consideration. A suggestion is not a judgment or an order. It is an option for us to consider; therefore, there’s freedom to choose. I like how Shayla reminded us that “what really matters is how you decide to approach suggestions and what you do with them”. It is a win-win situation as we celebrate others and we enrich our lives by opening ourselves to the opportunities that suggestions bring.
The more I think about it, this is the perfect time to ask for suggestions. As we close the year, how fun it would be to have a long list of ideas, new things to try, improved ways to do what I am doing now, books to read… The possibilities could be endless and the choice is mine.
Manuelita