How is This Going to Change Me?

Have you ever been in a situation or had to make a decision which you knew would change your life forever? Whether we realize it or not, we have all been there at one time or another. Right now during this pandemic we are all going through something like that at the same time, and it just can’t be ignored. We are all being forced to face extremely difficult situations; we are witnessing how the world will not be the same, and we are realizing how little control we have over our lives. Everything has changed in a matter of months. 

To be honest, I have not felt the quarantine as many people have. I have my job, which has kept me busy, so I have plenty to do and I don’t have the stress of not knowing where to pay my mortgage from. My children are older and self-sufficient, so I don’t have to teach them, or worry about them, but I still have them around so I don’t feel lonely and we have a nice time together. Here in Atlanta we can still go out and walk, so I get sun and exercise. I know many people are facing many difficulties and each day is a challenge, but I don’t want to do what I usually do, which is feel guilty and minimize my feelings because I am not having it as tough as others. Comparison is never a good thing. We are all unique and we are facing different situations framed in one terrible thing that is affecting all of us around the world. The key here is to look at our own lives. How is this situation affecting me and how is it going to make me a better person? Life can’t be the same after this. I feel I need to learn a lesson, grow, appreciate, open my eyes and keep them open even when the world goes back to the new normal. I don’t want to forget how much I am missing the little things. The things that I used to take for granted and now I would just love to experience. I want to remember how precious a coffee with a friend is and how much a hug really means. A silent moment by myself in my favorite coffee shop is priceless and lots of family together sharing life is a beautiful gift. I want to remember that work is an amazing blessing and life is very fragile. I am making a list of all the things I want to do but I keep putting off because I don’t have time or money to do them; I probably won’t be able to do them all at once, but maybe, just maybe if I am serious about it, save for it, have the attitude and believe I can do them, I will. I want to do something I love each day and I want to show people around me what they mean to me. Life is a precious adventure and it can’t become a “safe routine” where the size of dreams is controlled by fear or the need for stability. The moment is now, if not to make it happen, at least to start the plan to make it happen. 

We have all lived these weeks differently. We may have lost loved ones, lost income, lost work, we may have lost a lot. I admire the people who are fighting for their lives at hospitals around the world all alone, I cry for parents who are hurting because they can’t make money to feed their families, I can’t even imagine what the economy will look like in the near future. But I am also amazed at the strength of those who have been working long hours as health providers helping people who are afraid. I smile at how moms and dads are teaching their children at home, making up creative ways to entertain their children and have a good family life under pressured times. I feel the love from our students and families as they show us their appreciation with cards, gifts, phone calls, and even parades around their teacher’s homes. I love seeing families share virtual game nights, prayer gatherings, or just time to enjoy each other’s company. Where there is a will, there is a way and together we will make it through this.  

At the beginning of this year one of my goals was to be intentional, present, and bold. I wanted to be full and give fully and now more than ever I want to achieve that goal. I want this pandemic to teach me what I need to learn and then, I want it to go away. A big hug to you, because I miss hugs and because we all need them. You are stronger than you think and this too will pass. 

Manuelita