All the Things I Want to Do

This Christmas I received a beautiful leather bound notebook as a gift. It was a very thoughtful gift from someone who doesn’t know me very well, but took the time to find out about the things I like. This notebook was so fancy that I wanted to do something special. The week before I had watched a series called “Two Weeks to Live.” In it, Kim, the main character, has a notebook with the title: Things to Do in the Real World, so I decided to have my own notebook for all the things I want to do. There’s a difference between goals for the year, or things we want to achieve and those unique experiences we want to do just because they make us happy. It’s not a bucket list, because I refuse to have one of those. It is so depressing to make a list of things you want to do before you die! To me it’s a constant reminder of death. I know I am going to die, but I don’t have to keep reminding myself of that fact. And what happens once I finish all that’s on my list?  (Which is worrisome since I have only written two things.) 

Through the years I have learned who I am, what I like, and what I don’t like. I have learned to love myself first because that is what I need to do to love others better. I am self aware, so I don’t know why it is taking me so long to write more things in my beautiful notebook. I still don’t have the answer and I was hoping I would get it as I write this blog, but even if I don’t get a  reason, it is a great reminder that getting to know yourself is a lifelong journey. I should celebrate my progress, and at the same time be excited about all that is to come. There’s so much I need to learn, to get rid of, to analyze, to share. I am a complex being, we all are, and that is good.  

Maybe I haven’t written that many things because for years I have felt that time is a limited resource so I should invest it in things that are “productive.” Without realizing it I have labeled some things as not worthy of my time. For example, I haven’t painted since college, which is a big deal because my freshman year I was an art major, so, deep inside there was something about art that I really enjoyed. But because it takes time and I have had other things to do, I have ignored it. There’s joy in painting just to paint.

Or maybe I haven’t given myself the time to dream about it. Maybe the planner in me is carefully filtering what is possible and what is not. I need to allow myself to see further, to dream bigger, to challenge myself and see the possibilities. I need to accept it may never happen, but writing it down makes it a little more real.  

Or maybe I am just not into the big “exciting’ things, like bungee jumping or swimming with sharks and things like that. Maybe my life is a little more boring than I thought. I love to travel, to explore and to enjoy new cultures and meet new people, but I am happy just walking around, drinking coffee, and people watching. Actually, I may write that in my notebook, I want to do that in several cities around the world. Maybe I am just content, which I used to think was not a good thing because I related it to accepting things and settling, but as I read its actual meaning: “in a state of peaceful happiness” I feel it describes me  well.  

I have really enjoyed processing this through writing and I realized that some questions can have several answers. I am excited to keep challenging myself to write more things that I want to do and continue enjoying my day to day. I would love to know if you are going to start your own notebook, not only because life is beautiful and you deserve to do what you love, but also because you can. 

Manuelita